My President is Black

You know that song? My president is black….Well, my presidennt IS Black. But he is not only my president–he is the president of the UnitedStates of America. Congrats Obama for becoming the first Black president. OMG. I go to Howard University, and it was sooooooo crazy when this dude won. I mean we were screaming and celebrating all in the streets!! People were driving by honking their car horns and everything. And it was like one of those things to me where I was like maybe it will hit me later because right now it still feels so unreal. I (along with almost everyone else I know) was emotional the whole election day. I was also nervous, I figured the government would try to screw around with the votes. I do know that they tried all they could to keep us from voting. Many absentee ballots were not sent to Howard University students. At one point voter protection said 100,000 people were calling in with the same complaint.  My godmother said 2 machines were broken in the hood when she went to go vote. I think Oprah ahd a little problem at the machine too! However, many people still were able to vote.  I think that there was an increase in voting in certain groups, such as, the young people, elderly Blacks, and all other types of strange things. lol. I’m just so happy. This is definitely a step forward for America, but know my people and I must do all we can to make sure that America continues to progress. We must be all we can be– because we are the future. Amen, hope has been restored to the land. I am so glad to have been at Howard university–The Mecca- on a historically black university where culture, wisdom, and knowledge run so deep. Even though I was not old wnough top vote this year, I was glad to be able to witness this historical election. God Bless America!! I really love this land.

 

–Victoria Draper @02608647

in passing…

wow. this year has flown by…but at the same time it has not. it has been full of…EVERYTHING: a mentor i love and look up to, a new family i love and appreciate, a best friend that i cherish, a few groups of friends who have come and not necessarily gone…but have faded, a successful elections season for many…and not so much so for others, a boy who once made me blush-cry-love-feel-want-hate-and miss, a man who makes me wonder , many elders who are ready to pass the torch, a new school that i love and want to be at opposed to being any where else in the world, a new home…the best yet, a rejuvenation of love for my blood family, an exciting academic major, meet nights, aspirations, despair, hope, a new president, a transition from girl to woman to lady?, an introduction to grown folk things, orgs, colors, resfest, homecoming, dorm rivalry, rivalry, a fb bf, fb, twitter, a wordpress blog, no 1 i no passing away- but my loved ones loved ones passing, seminars, STROLLING, stepping, probates, death marches, talent shows, auditions, interviews, high heels, low heels, locals, a mentee that i need to reconnect with, back and forth trips from the place where i was born to the place where i was born again, brotherhood, sisterhood, the hood, my frnds coming home from prison, my mother coming home from prison, my roomate being pregnant, social status, political status, reputations, rumors, JUICY CAMPUS, HUSA, COAS, big brothers who have my back, assholes (that i love), funny campaign commercials, campaign commercials featuring me, connecting with people whose legacy i have heard so much about, the dc community, leadership, africa, new slang, southern things (…….), college level courses, pricey textbooks, annoying people, realizing some of my flaws, loving some of my flaws, HARLEM, UNION SQUARE, the ny club, C-SQARED WOO WOO!!, having a good RA, re visited self esteem issues, breakdowns, tears, love beyond measure, playlists, meridian (lols), Q-U-A-D AWWW YEA!, Carver! Hall!, 4th flo!!!!, touche, letting my outside match the inside, freedom, “independance”, scholarship and grants, working for asians, quitting, withdrawing from classes, failure, defeat, blogging, status messages, fb notes, victory, happines, greek, no really…greek, vocab , everything applying to afro am or africana history and getting annoyed by it, black and white, silver, brown and green, SPEAKOUTS, pageants, omg…the list NEVER ends….

I LOVE COLLEGE. I LOVE BEING A HOWARD GIRL. I LOVE BEING A FRESHMAN! IM SOOO GLADDDD I GO TO HOWARD U (and not Hampton!!) lol.s great year. ups and downs. love and tears. good Lord I love this place and i love where i am in life.

Thanks,

Victoria Ann Anne Draper @02608647

The Mecca

Howard is clearly the mecca. the mecca for all black scholars. i couldnt really imagine myself going to any other school in the US (and Lord knows i was not bout to cross any borders yet). Howard was made for me, and i was made for it. BUT!!!! we must remember…it is the MECCA. now being that it is the mecca…we must all take a pilgrimage at least once in our life here… but the mecca is a destination a goal in life. well..its more like a stop along the road to ur destination and goal in life. it is something u put on your checklist of things to do. sooooo. this means to me. that once u have visited and achieved the purpose of ur visit…u must leave. and this is what i want to remind u. i no it is easier said than done (unless u were purged). but it is the raw truth. we are not meant to stay here for ever. the mecca is here so that we come. take a look around. soak up some knowledge. make a few friends. speak to a few talented geniuses. become enlightened and inspired. walk through the valley shake u rass in blakkburn, the yard, cramton, burr, drew, the annex, the quad, the valley, and possibly (hopefully) the e-building, then u get the f*** out!! u must MOVE ON!! take what u have learned and make do with what u have…we will always be here when u want to come bakk….i mean IT will always be here…i may be gone and on to create my own legacy…but lets also remember just as this legacy will shape mine…i will come back every so often to reflect and meditate. drop a few ones (or Gs) on it. nah mean? so the mecca can live on for the next energetic freshman with eyes full of wonder, a mind full of potential, and a heart full of pure and strong love and passion. yes. i love the mecca. i have come. and one day i must go…. if ur tagged…take it as u wish. the message is for everyone who “just wants to be successful”.

 

–Victoria ann anne draper @02608647

The White Devil

o I’m forced to write this note because Lord knows that,like DJ, when something tugs at my mind, something so rhetorical, I can only give my thoughts and opinions to the world the only way I know how at this point in time… so I texted my mentor asking him for words to console me. I go to Howard University, and Lord knows I couldn’t see myself anywhere else in the world. It was almost like it was created with me in mind. y’all know what I’m talkin about too! But anyways, to the point of the note… I definitrly am reading this book called “the fire next time” by james baldwin. And I texted my mentor telling him I don’t hate, fear, or pity white people. I am not disgusted by them. I think they are a science experiment to be picked apart and assessed. However, idk how to feel about them. I have white friends. And they are just as true as any of my other friends. I don’t have many of them though. And I pride myself on being from a black community (harlem), a black highschool (thurgood marshall and washington irving), and a black college (howward)..but let’s remember that we live in a white world. Lord knows I say wtf I wanna and never keep it to myself. I must always be honest. And therefore it hurts me that I, thinking nothing of white people but knowing that I must figure out how it is I feel about them, must judge a race. I don’t want to judge anyone based on their father. I would absolutely hate to be compared to my mother. And there are whites that I would not want to offend or hurt. Some may be reading this right now. I think I need to have more white friends…eventhough I have no desire to. On the other hand I am not attracted to whites and could never truly love one as I feel is reciprocated. I am at a loss for thoughts, but not words…some one please comment and give me some insight. Share your perspective. I hate when famous black people come to HU and say some shit about whites they would dare not say anywhere else…but putting myself in their shoes would I dare jeprodize my life, status, and reputation by doing so? Idk yet…I think yes though…but would I be offending more than half of the nation…probably not. But I would feel crazy guilty. Whites and blacks must live together. Case closed. We must all learn to deal with it. We cannot hide behind douglass hall all day, nor can we hide in the harriet tubman quadrangle’s mini underground raillroad. Do whites come to howard to see us interact with eachother in a comfy setting without inhibition so they know how we truly think and feel? I don’t know, but I do keep it in mind. I will never censor myself. NEVER! And so now I will end this note by simply saying: I’m black and I’m proud. What are you??

 

–Victoria Ann Anne Draper @02608647

The American Negro

My theory is…white people are inherently scared of yet intrigued by the black man. they are like i am when it comes to the people i date. they lust for him…want him…but they must mask it (because of fear) and instead they try to control him. they are so intrigued that they must tell us: “you ain’t shit”…i do it all the time!! ask any of my exes how badly they are treated. idk maybe my mind is corrupt like that… but onto another topic…which is in direct relation to this one…james baldwin has become one of my favorite authors after the fire next time.

sorry for the tweak…but he is clearly art of war just as clearly as elijah muhammed is glory (for you who dont understand… those classifications are only for my close friends) well anyways. i would say that baldwin has a great mind… and because of it he was able to not be …hmmm consumed by the fire around him. he was definitely inside..but he was resistant. i see myself in him..but the times dont allow for my life to be as dramatic as that (not in the race aspect). certain things that were said in his book disturbed me. they only disturbed me because as i told my bestie while i was reading the book. the most powerful force of control in the world is religion…. it is powerful because it is etched into you so deeply. you are hypnotized by it. God forbid someone questions your religion…you have no logical answer…you do not need one. your answer is…because the bible tells me so. so i will go out on a limb and assume its “because my mommy told me so, at a time in my life when i idolized my mommy and only knew her word. daddy told mneso when he was the only person i felt 100% safe with”…and in the case of the nation of islam…it was powerful because the Negro people were so desperate. they were abused and in need of love and hope. a hope that one day they would regain their dignity (which many were born without because they were not slaves who were torn from their homeland..they were 3/5ths of men who were born on their knees in front of a white man. so the nation told them they had more power than they knew…the nation told them they had been taught the wrong teachings…however, this means that they were to be re taught by the nation. sound funny to you? maybe not…but does it sound logical? i dare not answer this question. religion is so powerful because of its infinite following and its rhetoric. there are no real answers to religious questions. the conclusions you will come to are because of the guilt that is instilled in you if you do not come to these conclusions….and this is for black and white and everyone else… religion is powerful because it can “civilize” people. masses of people. all you need is a man, a book, and hard times. oh yes, and there is how religion is made. a man says hey…theres a solution to this opression shit…we gotta fight the power. lets get our asses up and stick it to the man!! and then they say that it is the only way…but man does not listen to man…man is to glorious to be ruled by his equal. so one goes under the name of another higher being. hey its so perfect…you cant ask for the manager if the manager only exists “in spirit”…man the manager is so high… so damn high. you gotta talk to me to talk to him. and its only because i am his vessel. you know th deal…. well i dont mean to offend anyone. just making simple observations. im happy that religion exists. how else could we ever revolt? how else could we ever come to order? but on some G “freedm of religion” does not exist. you are what you are because you are molded to be that way…even atheists. everyone is a product of their environment. i respect and identify with james baldwin though… read the damn book people.

anyways back to the black man. the black man and the white man have very low self esteem as a people. (well ours is a little higher now, after obama and all). oh and on the obama thing.. i respect him because he is and has never stopped being a balck man. he never shies away from it either. which clearly gives us all hope and raises our standards and self esteem. white people would have never enslaved blacks if they were capable of doing their own dirty work. they are not as strong nor as talented as we. and im sick of black people going around hating whites for it. in the long run they made us stronger. we need not fight them nor plead with them. we must use our intelligence to demand what is ours…not the fukking land people!! the right the human right to live and breathe and be respected. yes the right to live and love harder than they. for we do live and love harder than they. and the only way we can make sure we stay stronger than them…is to accept the past and work towards being great as great as our minds tell us we should be when we dream. we must dream…and we must make sure our dreams come true. not by violence, but by intelligence. by compassion. we must create a brotherhood..there is power in numbers. never will we be spiteful and evil. never will we out sin the devil!! no…that gives them more power over us!! if we hate them, then we are weak and disgusting. we must hold our chin up and work with them, work around them, work by them…we must work for what we deserve. and in doing so we will earn our freedom. and keep our strength. (cuz we all know the blacks arent skaters!!!) lmao, but hey on some light hearted shit love your neighbor. for real whether he be white, native, black, indian, african, west indian, hispanic, or any other peoples i forgot. love your neighbor. most people are weak…kill em with kindness love u for reading this long and confusing note…

 

–Victoria Ann Anne Draper @02608647

thanks herm!

thank you joshua nelson for inspiring me by telling me a crazy ass story about your own personal life. love you for that… ok so basically i told dude that i was going through something weird, or in my words, having a mental breakdown. i had not been to class in a while, yet i had been going extra hard for other campus-related things. i told him that i was worried that my grades would go downhill. then he offered me a story of how he went through the same thing and how his grades had plummeted and he was still suffering from it. (now when i say plummeted his grades were still above most of yall shit. so dont go thinkin my boy is a fuckup. he still wasnt on academic probation like some of yall. he just hadnt worked to his full ability.) ok so i asked him if tomorrow i went to EVERY SINGLE CLASS, EVERY SINGLE DAY would i be able to atleast get all Bs. he said it was definitely early enough to make a complete turn around. he told me to just speak to my teachers and let them know that i was going through something, but i am ready to turn things around and get down to business. i am happy that he told me this. it’s encouraging. because all the times i said i would go to class, but after you miss a class it’s kinda scares you to go back. it’s pretty awkward, but im just gonna say that idc awkward means nothing to me…my GPA means EVERYTHING to me. so im gonna make an effort and a change and im gonna get shit done. and honestly, im still gonna go “extra hard” for everything i have been going hard for and im gonna have fun and be social too. im sayin…all i need is a little support. so if you are there for me i will be ok. thanks guys!! and again thanks josh!!  

 

–Victoria Ann Anne Draper @02608647

p.s. if you care about yourself, you should care about your future. vote march 3rd on Bisonweb.

this historical (elongated) weekend

This past weekend up until this week Tuesday I did a variety of exciting things. The main event of the week/ weekend was the inauguration of our 44^th president Barack Hussein Obama, America’s first Black president. The event was such a historic one. There were so many other events that were for the sole purpose of celebrating Obama’s inauguration. There was such a huge crowd of tourists in the city this past week.

 

That being said, I participated in some events in honor of Obama, and I also participated in some extraneous events. On Saturday January 17^th, I went to Pentagon City Mall in the morning and saw Tatiana Ali and Jay Z, two young celebrities who I admire. I went with my roommate and we ended up meeting a prospective transfer student for next semester at Howard University.  Later on that day I went to work. Right after that I went to my friend Sesay’s house party. I had also gone to the one he threw the night before. Both parties were pre inaugural celebrations. Both parties lasted pretty long in comparison to the average HU house party. I enjoyed both parties and ended up meeting a few new people there too. I actually had a weekend/ week full of meeting new people.

 

On Sunday January 18^th, I attended the “Welcome to the Mecca” reception. The first event was in the cafeteria. The point of the reception was to give visitors a taste of the fun we have at Howard University.  The second event was a panel discussion in the Annex. This event was actually pretty interesting. Panelists included Nick Owen, HUSA president, and Dr. Carr, an African Studies professor at Howard University. Each panelist gave individual perspective on various topics that affected Black America, most having to do with Obama being America’s new presidency. Students were encouraged to put their input in too. There were some pretty deep responses to discussion topics. I agreed with one male when he said (not in quote, but for the most part) that Obama saying “Yes We Can” was telling Black people that we would be able to overcome certain oppression and mistreatment. We were finally getting a chance at being equal. Another girl said that she doesn’t believe we should have any more Black presidents. She believed that White America doesn’t like Black America and therefore we should create a better, brand new Africa. Well, I guess I think that her statement was extremely radical, and it’s definitely not the route I would go.

 

On Monday January 19^th, I went to the “Refresh the World Symposium” hosted by Spike Lee and sponsored by Spike Lee and Pepsi. The purpose of the symposium was to educate the youth on how we can change the world by using certain knowledge to improve the global community. I was at the symposium from 8:30 am to 7pm. It was enlightening. I loved every minute of it! Each section was so intense. There were separate topis: economy, education, hip hop, Black America, and gender.  There was a different panel of professionals for each topic. The symposium went right along with Howard’s theme: “Leadership for America and the Global Community”. My favorite section was Black America, because I love Jessie Jackson!! He was there, right along with Cornell West and Al Sharpton. They were the best!! J Immediately after the symposium, I went to the boys’ basketball game in Burr gym. They won! I was so happy. After the football season, I didn’t exactly have high hopes for Bison athletics. The basketball was special because students were told to “rep your organization”. It was a pretty exciting event. The win made my night. Later that night, I went to a house party. It didn’t get shut down, which was highly unusual. This past Monday was honestly one of the best days of my life.

 

On Tuesday January 20^th, President Barack Obama was given his oath to office. I watched the inauguration in Cramton Auditorium, where my roommate and I met these Canadian High School Juniors. The Undergraduate Student Association hosted a student gala in celebration of Obama’s inauguration. I went of course. It was a fun night. Both of my roommates and I went together with our dates, and I did what I did best: party!

 

Overall, my inaugural week/ weekend was the best ever because I got to spend time with the people I love and admire the most, I met new people, I got to be in the center of the biggest historic event of the year, and I got to party! J I plan to channel all the inspiration I got in the past week to do the best I can to serve the community and make personal improvements.

played

warning: this 1 gets a little personal.

played. thts how i feel. i feel played. thts how i wanna strt this blog out. so lemme tell u wat happened. damm i feel so weird doin this. hmm i wanna b reelly general cuz its sorta a stikky situation. lets just say a nigga like me nvr been played before. i meen not reelly played. not the dont wanna talk to u tomorro or the next OR THE NEXT day played. lol. so i gess ive been doin all the playin. ALL the playin. yea i admit. im a big time player. i no its rong. but normally i wld just say i dnt givv a fukk. until it came bakk to me.

just sayin im the grl tht’ll “tlk to u one day” n ignore ur fone calls the nest. u feel me? im the grl tht went out with u AND ur cousin. n ur both still on my leash. im the grl with the ultimate nigga mentality. lol. deddass. u no– **** without strings attached cuz i hate love n emotions. n commitment. the grl who will get bored n toss ur ass out– for good. n then maybe call u nxt yr wen im bored . 

ive turned out quite a few. not intentionally. but i was proud of it either way. i seduced u wen u told urself 12 times in ur hedd tht u were celibate this month. n thn i laffed at u wen u showed interest. “sorry, i dnt like u like tht. i didnt meen to lead u on. i dnt even no how …. happened.” 

n the onli joy i got out of all of this was temporary relief from boredom. then one miraculous day u  came along. n u …. turned me out. flipped the script. yea itold u i wld nvr b the played. i told u not to werry. i laffed at u. n said try me. game on. i gess ur a better player thn me. 1st time tht has happened. hmmm lets play again. u continue to win this game. damm i dnt think im playin n e more. its not love. hell nah. lol. but …i …..need…..tht …w/e it was! i NEED it now. i was so happy for a min. even tho u won the game i respected u for bein a better player. i was admiring u so hard tht i forgot wat game we were playing. now im callin u. n ur ignorin. damm. im txtn. u dnt txt bakk. im thinkn bout u. n ur prolly partyin. lol. i meen im still a player so  im doin my thing hard body as always. like i said im not in love or n e thing. no 1 can tell i took such an L. but i no. idk if u even realize. well u no wat ur doin. i just wanna tell u tht it …doesnt hurt. its just funni. karma’s a bitch i gess. lol…..ok its ‘09…my feelings were slightly hurt. but im good. i meen i felt bad… but it made me think about my actions. glad i no how life is on the other side.

i gess all i can say is: good game!

–Victoria Draper @02608647 i love bein a howard girl

im starting my new year tomorrow

the last time i blogged i blogged my new years resolutions. i no its not even a full week later, but i thought i should follow up on that. well first things first. some of the resolutions have been modified and i may hav added 1 or 2 to the list. such as blogg more.i am going to use my blogs as an honest and pure form of self expression and regulation. im trying so hard not to bite my nails. im almost 18 ive been biting my nails all my life. it really is a hard habit to break. 

its 11:10 pm tomorro morning i must be on my way to the bus on my way back to my wonderful skool Howard University. yes ofcourse i love it there. i mean there is no other place i could see myself as happy as i am at this point in my life. i no ive said it before. just makin sure u no tht this may b a new year but thts one thing tht hasnt changed for me.

bakk to resolutions. strtn tomorro im goin to reelly follow my stop eating shyt resolution. honestly, if u offer me a reeses i may smakk the shit out of your hand. im practising moderation to some extent this year. cuz i am an over-the-top person. i love it. but i still think there are times when you should be low key. so im going to try n train myself a little somethin lite.

startin tomorro i must try my best to strt learning how to manage my own money. here have been too  many issues with me financially. so im gonna depend on my damn self.

im gonna try my best to do some grown up shytthis yeer. not on some extreme older woman type shyt. not my style. im far from tht. but i kinda wanna b on a sophisticated flo. u no? so ima improve a few thingd or broaden my horizons a little. 

in 2009 i pledge to work on myserlf little by little strtn with one area and then moving to the next. i cant wait im so excited. trying to strt the semester off right. 8:10 am classes will not be a problem for me n e more. discipline is the answer. i mustbe more responsible in general i gess. and im goin to strive to do so.

these are the first few things im prepared to werk on. i need to go grocery shopping soon lol. yea so im just here to follow up and say that in 2009 i WILL be a better person. in 2009 im going SO HARD. for watever i want. deddass n i cld givv less of a fukk wat u think unless u hav my best interest at heart.

b there 4 me n ima ride 4 u rite bakk. u alreddy no!!

–Victoria Draper @02608647 (i love bein a Howard girl)

by the way u no y i like to sign my posts with my id 3? bcuz my mother does the same thing…onli her id# is an inmate id number mine is my student id. rebellion at its best.

in ‘09 i promise to be a better person– do u?

nys resolutions:

1. no drinking– besides jello shots,skittles,and nutcrackers
2. manage my own money
3. become more involved in politics in HU, ny, dc, the world!
4. work towards getting a 4.0 for spring semester
5. apply to ucsc for the summer program
6. go to class every single day
7. stop eating shit
8. improve my dancing
9. get more involved in performing arts @ HU
10.travel, explore, get out more. broaden your horizons.
11.broaden vocab as much as possible
12.if it’s sensible–do what u want! if its not sensible but doesnt hav bad consequences–do what u want!owwwwwww happy new years to all. make sure u r a better u this yeer.love urself. cuz u all u got. lol

out–
pretty vicky aka victoria draper @02608647 aka i love being a howard girl

“final week”

my first “finals week” was pretty hectic and stressful. for 1 it lasted way more than a week. 2: alot of ppl strted to leave within the first week of finals. so everyone else who was left was worried they were going to be lonely and bored. PLUS, there was no visitation!! lol. so there were a few parties thrown i went to 2 for free n they were pretty fun. i dont no if tht was because we were all desperate or if there were indeed fun parties. n e ways. uhm i didnt exactly study for n e of my exams. but i think i did well on them. uhm well i did better than what iu originally thought i was going to do (on final grades), but im still waiting for my last grade to come in (poli sci–my major). ya so i had fun finals week. and i was happy wen i got the fukk outta there. cuz i was excrutiatingly bored.  well alas the day came. the last day possible to have a final. had to cram all our stuff in the room on top of the beds and desks because we had to move everything off the floor in all the rooms of the quad. tht was fukkin sukky since i can hardly fit stuff WITH floor space. oh well. well i gess finals week was a new experience for me. a memorable one tho. and also, i learned a few lessons from it. so im happy

n now im missin HU all over again!

–victoria draper @02608647 aka i love being a howard girl